Can you believe it? ONE MORE DAY! Just one more day and it will be Christmas once again! We hope everyone is doing well this holiday season. But, you know, with one day left… That DOESN’T mean that you can take it easy now… Nope! There are still AT LEAST 10 more things to do and, as we feel it’s your right to know, we figured we’d let you in on what, exactly, is left to be done! So, here is our list of the Top 10 things that are left to be done BEFORE Santa comes down the chimney tonight!
Top 10 things you should do before tomorrow (as brought to you by aniRAGE!)
10.) Limber up!
Think you have stamina? Think you have speed? Well, you ain’t NOTHING! Not when compared to your 5 year old sister/brother. Our Scientists have determined that, in kids from 1 to 92, Yule-tide hormones increase at an alarming rate on Christmas; endowing the host of such “cheer” genes with supernatural (if not almost Godlike) abilities! So, if you want to be the one to get the “Good Spot” by the tree, then you’ll want to start by getting your body ready for the big day. And, if you haven’t already discovered it, you can always try out the “12 days of Christmas” Workout! The link to which is RIIIIGGGGHHHT here:
9.)Check for “Santa Hazards”.
Up on the housetop, reindeer fall! Stuck is good ol’ Santa Claus! What a bummer it would be if you had to bury 8 reindeer in the back yard or called the fire Dept. to pull a fat man out of the chimney… So, make sure that Chimney’s are clear, roof and walkways are de-iced (if necessary), and that all safty hazards to that Jolly elf and his crew are squared away.
8.)Activate your Anti-Grinch Defense System!
He’s a mean one… Mr. GRINCH! He really is a heel! And, unless you want him to sneak in and steal YOUR Christmas, I suggest setting up a little “Security”. Now, here at aniRAGE!, we’ve devised our own solution which is really quite keen! It’s slick and will do the trick for someone so mean. Start off with a tripwire. Attached to it empty cans. Then, dig yourself a Tiger pit with spikes, on which, he’ll land. Or if that seems to much work, we have yet another trick! Let him inside and when he’s not looking, offer him an RKO like Rick! … Ere, Zeke…
7.)Equip Festive Garb.
It’s the holidays! And, being that means that there is NO better time to make yourself look ABSOLUTELY ridiculous! So, what are you waiting for? All of your local Grocery Stores, “Best Buys”, book stores, gas stations, and peddling hobo’s are selling garments. Hats and caps and holiday underpants! All of which start at the low price of a dollar and up! Don’t have the money or a ride to get to places? No Problem! Just grab an empty box (Or large container), cut out holes for the arms and head, Wrap it (leaving the holes for arms and head unhindered), and put a bow on your head! YOU can be the greatest gift someone gets this year!
6.)Here you come, a-wassailing!
What’s more customary or heart-warming then a group of talentless indivduals going doorstep to doorstep, murdering many a classic and sacred holiday tune? I just can’t think of anything! AND, as a bonus, if you sing “We wish you a Merry Christmas” and get to the second and third verse, you can make demands for Figgy-Pudding… Or, maybe cash. (Note: “aniRAGE!” does NOT condone the misuse of holiday songs and/or Extortion in ANY form. “aniRAGE!” is NOT responsible for any verbal abuse, physical damage, arrests, or any other negative outcomes encountered by any parties whom might choose to do such terrible, terrible things!)
5.)Time for Coco!
After wailing like a cat (and possibly being hit by a boot for it), it’s time to kick back and enjoy something warm. Coco is very customary at this time of year, too! We recommend having yourself a nice hot glass. But, not to hot. Don’t want or need any third degree burns… Or Lawsuites… (Note: “aniRAGE!” is ALSO not resposnible for any burns/allergies inflicted by the consumption of overly warmed cocoa-based beverages. Drink at your own risk.)
4.) Hang out your stockings… And gather all of your gifts together!
Remember that “limbering up” thing we mentioned above? We’ll if you’re just to lazy (or need the extra Security), we would highly recommend goign ahead and hunting for everything that is yours under the tree… And, stacking it all in a nice, neat little pile. Note, this might be difficult to do due to hidden surprises and parents whom will bash you with a spatula if you stop at the tree to long… But, if you can succeed, it will double your ability to get to all that is rightfully yours and plow on through.
3.) Set out offerings to the great “Red One”.
Customarily, it’s cookies and milk for Mr. Kringle… But, in todays bold new world (and with close to 7,000,000,000 people on the planet to possibly visit) Santa MAY just need a pick-me-up. After all, he isn’t called “Jolly OLD saint Nicolas” for NOTHING! So, we recommend that a community gathering should be had through out each city of the world and at every 2,000,000,000th home: an Energy drink should be substituted. We would say “At every home” but, it’s only recommended to drink 3 a day TOPS! And, at this age in his life, Santa’s possibly a little “Caffiene Sensitive”… So, it might just be safer this way.
2.) Holiday Movie Hoe-Down!
Know what’s good with that CoCo we mentioned earlier? MOVIES! But, not just ANY movies. It’s Christmas FOR PETE’S SAKE! Flip on the tube (or hit Red-Box) and get yourself some Holiday films! Or, pull something out of the collection! (Editor’s note: I personally recommend “Nitemare before Christmas”, “Rudolph: the Red-nose Reindeer”, and “Frosty, the Snowman”.)
1.) Stop to smell the Ginger Bread…
Now, I know that there will be QUITE a few of you whom don’t like gingerbread… It’s a play off of an OLD expression. But, seriously, take a moment to breath and think back fondly on all the things you’ve done till now, on all of the great friends and family you have, and the many-MANY gifts and opprotunities that have been made available and given unto you this year. Ponder the meaning of the season! Call up above stated “Family” and “Friends”. Go visit, if you can! And, in visiting, I would like to say that we all hope that you’ll keep coming back to visit us here at aniRAGE.com! And, from all of us, to all of you, we sincerely hope and wish you a very merry Christmas…
For always and forever,