Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge fan of all this Dragonball and Dragonball Z (we don’t talk about Gt). So despite knowing that it was going to be the worst thing ever, I had still planned on going to see the new live-action movie: Dragonball: Evolution.
However, when 4chan linked me to a stream of the movie online, I took advantage of the situation. I immediately was happy I did not spend upwards of ten bucks to watch this horrid piece of crap.
I’m not even going to pull any punches here: this movie is THE worst movie I have ever watched. And I’ve seen Glitter and Honey and Gigli (don’t judge me, blame cable television).
If I walked into this movie never seeing dragonball before, I would have zero idea what the plot of the movie was. I knew he each of the characters was, and that prior knowledge was the only thing that made the “character pairings” mak any sense. Chichi hates Goku, then is madly in love with him. Bulma falls down a hole due to Yamcha, and immediately they are a couple.
And Yamcha talks like a surfer? What the fuck?
Bulma is threatening to shoot people with guns? Granted, in the show she does shoot Goku with a tommy gun or something crazy like that, but she doesn’t run around the entire time blowing bullets into everyone. And to top it all off, she talks like she’s been a 12-pack-a-day smoker since she was in the womb.
There is one redeeming quality of this movie: Chichi is hot. Bulma is quasi, and Mai is pretty good..but Chichi is fine.
But the storyline? No. Just…no. It’s like the creators opened up a book of dragonball, randomly grabbed names and saw character pairings, and then wrote the movie from there. The storyline is chopped up. Characters are enemies at one point and allies the next, at each other’s throats and then madly in love, are completely ignorant of a situation and all of a sudden know everything….
Do not see this movie. Don’t even go to the cheap seats. Avoid it like the plague.